** I hate to ask , but could I please have my song reviewed FIRST this time? I have to leave immediately afterwards, having a surprise 70th party for my mom. I usually like to stay and offer advice but I hope others will be willing to let me slide this time and go first. **
You reviewed this last Saturday for the first time and we tried to incorporate changes from yours and classes' advice.
This is still a little rough as Tim has a cold.
What we changed-
*We took out some of the information in verse two to bring out some of her ODDEST THINGS behavior before the chorus- would like to know what you think of these "odd" things listed.
*We changed the melody on the chorus to repeat the melody as suggested, and the lyric to help that along.
*He also worked on the bridge and we added the lyrical changes on verse 3 for better flow.

**NOTES FOR ALAN from TIM**
Is this too slow?
Tim wants to convey his thanks for all the great feedback and kind words. He very much desires to be a more marketable writer.

As far as pitch-ability goes, He is wondering if He is hurting the song by using falsetto in the chorus. Would this be a turnoff for other artists who might want to sing it?

Also, He wishes He had another version to share of this, but he hears harmonies in a few lines of the verses and choruses. Would love to hear opinions on whether or not that could work, or if it's better as a solo singer/songwriter kind of performance.

Any further advice lyrically and musically is welcome. Thanks