Daddy was a Heinz 57, Mummy’s looks excluded her from Heaven
So, no one ever stops and says I’m cute
You rescued me, you took me home, but now I’ve gotten jealous to the bone
Cause you don’t stroke me like you used to.
You've gone and got a cat, I see, when I'm the only furry friend you need

[Chorus:]
Maybe I'm an ugly mutt, but I love you
Though my head is full of bumps
Fur falling out in clumps is quite alarming
Maybe I’m an ugly mutt, but I love you

You complain you can’t hear yourself talking, I maintain barking helps me walking
But I’ve stopped humping cushions while you’re out,
I’m one old dog who don’t drool yet, no fancy check ups at the vet
‘Cept when I eat too much brussels sprouts
Least I don’t go meow meow and scratch your furniture, and how!

Maybe I'm an ugly mutt, but I love you
Though my head is full of bumps
Fur falling out in clumps is quite alarming
Maybe I’m an ugly mutt, but I love you

[Bridge:]
Stop! What’s that? We’ve lost the cat?
Have my dreams just come to pass?
The top floor window’s left ajar?
Life’s a bitch and God’s a dog, Haha ha ha!

(Chorus#2)
Maybe I'm an ugly mutt, but I love you
Though my head is full of bumps
Fur falling out in clumps is quite alarming
Maybe I’m an ugly mutt, but I love you
Maybe I’m an ugly mutt, but I love you.