©2021 Marty Lehr/Marty Lehr Music (music & lyrics) V1 You said she came on to me baby what could I do Temptation's a woman's thing and a man's excuse You said you was drunk and just havin' some fun hon' bad excuses are worse than none Chorus no more coulda shoulda woulda's... if ands or but... no more squeakin' in the side door... no more shaggin' that nut... so baby this time I'm gonna forgive you but do it again and we're done 'cuz excuses are like pie-holes... "honey" everybody has one V2 You said it was just one time but I smell her bug juice don't ruin your apology with a bad excuse You blah blah blah blah blah... FYI a long excuse means more likely it's a lie Chorus guitar solo (bridge) Chorus Tag Everybody but you baby you got 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10 now everyone gets to take their... "Mulligan" but excuses are like pie-holes "honey"... everybody else has one
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Cancel This! I've been hearin' a lot 'bout a new counter culture it preys on ideas, a digital vulture intolerance a claw, the other hate there'll be no discussion let alone a debate I know what I'm sayin and' it ain't no joke we'll all be ok jus' as long as we're woke! my plan is to jus let it run it's course hoping it goes away (sung) but on the day (spoken) Chorus I'm forced to defend my family, land and flag they could leave in peace or a bodybag Please understand I'm not a violent man But sometimes you gotta draw that line in the sand so leave me and mine alone, we'll get along fine you got a right to your opinion but don't force yours on mine I would ask them once to cease and desist... otherwise (gun cocks) cancel this! V2 (rap) they're tryin to rewrite the American story and teach our kids it was all sin no glory I guess they think that ignorance is bliss but history repeats itself with thinkin' like this the list goes on but just to name a few: people, books, poor Pepe LePew it's funny till you think they might be comin' for you I hope it goes away but on the day (spoken) Chorus Bridge (instrumental) Chorus © 2021 Hame-R (words & music)
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The Cookie Thief © 2014 by Marty Lehr (music & *lyrics) * based on the poem “The Cookie Thief” by Valerie Cox intro Chorus You could save yourself a lot of grief if you listen to the story ‘bout THE COOKIE THIEF I think you’ll find it funny I’ll try to make it brief so here goes the story ‘bout the cookie thief V1 A woman was waiting at an airport one night, With several long hours before her flight She looked for a book in the airport shop Bought a bag of cookies, found a place to drop (a place to drop) V2 As she was reading her book she happened to see, That the man sitting next to her, as bold as could be Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene [avoid a scene] Chorus V3 So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, As the gutsy COOKIE THIEF diminished her stock She was getting more upset as the minutes ticked by, If I wasn’t so nice, she thought, I’d punch him in the eye [I’d punch him in the eye] V4 With each cookie she took, he took one too, When only one was left, she wondered what he’d do With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, He took the last cookie and broke it in half (broke it in half) Chorus V5 So he offered her half as he ate the other, She snatched it from him and thought jeez, oh brother This guy has some nerve and he’s oh so rude, Why he didn’t even show me any gratitude [any gratitude] V6 She had never known when she had been more galled, And sighed with relief when her flight was called She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate [thieving ingrate] V7 So she boarded the plane, and sank back in her seat, Then she searched for her book, which was almost complete As she looked in her purse, she gasped with surprise, There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes [in front of her eyes] V8 If mine are here, she moaned in despair, The others were his, and he tried to share Too late to say “I’m sorry” she realized with grief, That she was the rude one, the ingrate, THE COOKIE THIEF” (The Cookie Thief) Chorus (2x)(lyric change) You could save yourself a lot of grief if you listened to the story ‘bout THE COOKIE THIEF I hope you found it funny I tried to make it brief so here ends my story ‘bout THE COOKIE THIEF (outro) The Cookie Thief (5x) (ad lib)
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9,000 Dollar Stereo spoken: Hey y'all. Remember back when you got your first singles apartment? I know I do. Maybe you were fresh out of school, still in school, or landed your first full time job. Maybe yours wasn't quite like this, but I'll bet it reminds you of someone's place from back in the day...or even to-day. Anyway... intro crank it up V1 They're all furnished pretty much the same way In the bedroom, you had the mattress on the floor, protected by a mountain of dirty clothes, milk crates for night stands, the busted lava lamp with a glob of wax stuck at the bottom, a stolen road sign on the wall was certain, with a funky blanket for a curtain, we'd sing: Chorus we're goin' hungry and the rents past due the car is runnin' on fumes but we got tunes yeah we can rock n roll with our 9,000 dollar stereo Sanyo our 9,000 dollar stereo V2 out in the hall it was the mystery stain on the carpet, Budweiser mirror on the wall On the balcony was the rusted out Hibachi grill, plant with no leaves bike with no chain yeah it was insane In the den the beanbag chair with duct tape to keep the stuff from fallin' out Over there was the spool If you had one of those, it was "coffee table time!" then sing like a fool: chorus Bridge the kitchen was craptacular with dirty dishes piled high garbage can overflowin' with empty beer cans and pizza boxes from the party last night all the silverware was dirty I came in one morning 'bout 9:30 found my roommate eating his Count Chocula with a spatula we'd laugh and sing Chorus Outro 9,000 Dollar Stereo
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Android Annie © 2024 Marty Lehr Music V1 steppin' in the club feeling kinda low Then I see her shine (with) an L.E.D. glow (like) a fantasy straight out the screen Got me locked in like a digital dream Her blue eyes glowin' like neon lights I'm hypnotized by her bits and bytes energy's electric got me feeling alive ain't no jive queen bee of the hive pre Chorus I'm dancin' with my android queen In the club where the lights strobe and gleam She's my upgrade in this digital scene Got me feeling alive ain't no dream ain't no dream Chorus Android Annie Damn fine fanny hot eye candy uppin' the ante dress so scanty tiny pink panty drinks straight brandy so vampy my Android Annie V2 She's got that firmware update all up in her style And when she smiles I'm high for a while We hit the dance floor and we sync up tight In this digital rhythm everything's just right With her chrome complexion and her neon eyes She got me buzzin' like a million fireflies energy's electric got me feeling alive ain't no jive queen bee of the hive PC Chorus Bridge She may not be made from flesh and bone But with her I finally found my zone She's my partner in code a hybrid romance when I'm in her arms I'm lost in a trance (ain't no dream ) Chorus Chorus (break) Chorus outro Android Annie (3x)
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Dance My Robot Dance (Verse 1) I was sittin' in the club, I was feelin' alright Saw a man movin' smooth, caught my eye that night. He had moves like a dream, so sharp and tight, Took my hand, pulled me close, under neon light. (Pre-Chorus) His eyes glowed electric, sparks in the air, He whispered sweet nothings, like he didn’t care. We spun ‘round the floor, oh, what a romance, But I felt somethin’ strange in the way he'd dance. (Chorus) Dance my robot, dance, show me what you got, Spin me around the floor, till I’m burning hot. Move like you’re on fire, love me to a trance, Oh, dance my robot, dance, love me at first glance. (Verse 2) His touch was so cold, but his rhythm was hot, A heart made of circuits, who would have thought? He moved like a dream, in a seamless plot, His gears grindin' smooth, tied me in a knot. (Pre-Chorus) His voice like a whisper, metal and steel, Told me his secret, how could this be real? But I didn’t care, it was all so grand, As he twirled me around, to a jazzy swing band. (Chorus) (Bridge 1) Metal heart, electric soul, He had control, oh, he had control. Binary love in his embrace, was he from earth or (outer) space? (but we're just friends ((2x only)) (Chorus) (Bridge 2) When the night is over, we’ll part ways, But I’ll remember these electric days. Dance my robot, dance, till the music ends, Till the sunrise comes, and we’re just friends. (instrumental interlude) (Bridge 1) (Chorus)
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Waitin’ On My Baby © 2014 Marty Lehr (music & lyrics) V1 c'mon let's go we're gonna be late I know I know, she says I'll be right down do you want my hair in curlers and my slip to show? of course not hon but you said that, an hour ago… Chorus I'm always WAITIN’ ON MY BABY yeah, it drives me crazy she's puttin' on a red dress and sweet perfume why does it take her all day (last X to TAG) to get ready? but when she comes down the stairs I don't wanna’ go no-where’s 'cept back up stairs and wait on my baby all night V2 for guys it takes what, at most an hour that includes a shower and we're ready to roll but lots of ladies seem to think that a trip to the drug store is just an excuse for a fashion show Chorus Bridge She knows I'm just teasin' her I wouldn't have it any other way 'cuz when heads start to twirl I'm so proud that she's my girl Chorus Bridge Chorus (half chorus) TAG but when she comes down the stairs I don't wanna’ go anywhere’s ‘cept back up stairs toss off our clothes and cares and be waiting anticipating yeah I'll be waiting, on my baby all night… waitin’ on my baby all night
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Bot in Boots (Intro) (Verse 1) Well, I met a fella he ain't your regular dude He don't need to sleep has no need for food But there's somethin' 'bout him that makes my heart kapow he's an android man you see, and he's my cowboy now (verse 2) I was ' drivin' up a steep grade just haulin' my regular load when I saw him a walkin' casual side the two lane road I was so crazy tired my brain must a fried cuz I rolled down my window and hollered "you wanna ride" (verse 3) His eyes were shinin' blue n bright, he flashed a smile that lit up my night His voice was smooth, like whiskey on ice With a drawl that could charm the dots off dice (PC) he's my electric cowboy, he's my silicon joy. (Chorus) my digital delight my robo knight My Bot In Boots, he's the real McCoy With his mechanical heart filled with cowboy joy In a world of hacks, he's my country soul Our love ain't traditional, it's rock 'n' roll My Bot In Boots, he's got me roped and reelin' Ain't no denyin' the love we're feelin' From his shiny chrome toes to his CPU brain He's my country boy, just a different strain (Verse 4) We two-stepped under the starry sky With his circuits all hummin' and his sensors high He twirled me 'round like a Texas tornado like the one that caught me that time in Laredo (PC) (Chorus) (Bridge) Some folks may scoff, they say it ain't right But he fills my cab as we ride all night He's more than just gears bolts,and micro chips I feel a buzz when I kiss those electric lips all the way down to my tippy toe tips (Chorus) (ad lib to end)
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She's My Doll Y'all Intro V1 I was at my buddy Bill's the other night sharin' some wings gettin' a little tight he'd just gone through another messy divorce this one like the others had run it's course V2 he's been burned and bruised, his poor heart abused but Bill didn't seem upset in the least he said there's someone I want you to meet c'mon over here, you're in for a treat V3 we stopped at a door then stepped inside and there she was laying there on her side she was wearing lingerie over a killer physique I looked at Bill too stunned to speak lighten up bro he said in his drawl say hi to my roomie I call her Cristal Chorus She’s my doll, y’all, made just for me, Got curves like a dream, and she’s drama-free. No makeup to smudge, no bad hair days, Crystal’s my girl in a hundred ways. She doesn’t care ‘bout us poker guys. no matter what I say she can't roll her eyes No mama-in-law to come and stay, She’s the perfect girl in most every way (last chorus only) she don’t complain, need a diamond chain or blah blah blah just to drive me insane She’s my doll, y’all—please don’t judge me none, I think I'm in love, and she’s loads of fun. V4 I said, “Man, you’ve lost your mind, She don’t cook or clean, she’s factory-designed!” He said, “Buddy, you don’t understand, who cares if she was made in Japan.” V5 Real women want to change your ways, Spend your cash, waste your days. Crystal don’t shop, don’t touch my truck, She don’t care if I run outta luck. Bridge I said man I'm glad that you're happy but a woman made in a factory? yeah, I admit that some things you said may be true but there are some only a real woman can do Chorus (extended) Outro I was at my Buddy Bill's the other night
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Should Have Been © 2014 Marty Lehr (music & lyrics) V1 I will survive if only one day at a time I catch myself setting your place at the table old habits die hard Chorus you haunt my heart night and day if I had begged, would you have stayed? we were naïve, we should have learned when you play with fire you get burned like a scene from a Shakespeare play but without the right lines to say I can hardly stop thinking about you maybe someday we could start again my lover friend, until then, think good of me and what SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAG: (I can hardly stop thinking about you maybe someday we could start again my lover friend, until then think good of me and what SHOULD HAVE BEEN) V2 As days crawl by like a mantra I keep asking, why did you leave me? was it fear of losing yourself or needing more space and time? Chorus Bridge am I falling, free falling right out of my mind? praying I get to see your face before I lose my faith gonna be three long months tomorrow Chorus
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Rx Side Fx (Verse 1) I saw an ad on my TV last night about a pill called Gityerassright it had a lot of warnings I guess they don't last I mostly didn't hear cuz they talk too fast (Verse 2) So I went to my doc to prescribe me some he said read the label son don't be dumb it turns out the pills were ten bucks apiece with a label longer than War & Peace (PC) I started to read but it was no use it was the very worst kind of adult abuse (verse 3) so I took 2 pills I think the label said one that's when I decided just to go have fun I blew off readin' now I know it was wrong you'll see what I mean by the end of this song (Chorus) Rx Side FX, a rodeo clown show May cause sprouting wings and a beak that glows Rx Side FX, what the heck's next? could cause an urge to build a big nest May make you yodel or turn your poo blue consult your doctor if you grow udders and moo Rx Side Fx read all the long label no cause for concern 'cuz their rarely fatal (verse 4) Woke up the next morning, my head was spinnin' My left eye was twitchin I couldn't stop grinnin' My elbows were itchin my toes were all green, my skin had developed a strange purple sheen. (PC) I called up my doc, said, “What’s goin' on?” He said, “Son, it’s workin’—don’t be a moron (Chorus) Rx Side FX, a rodeo clown show, May cause sprouting wings and a beak that glows Rx Side FX, what the heck's next? could cause an urge to build a big nest May make you yodel or turn your poo blue consult your doctor if you grow udders and moo Rx Side Fx read all the long label no cause for concern 'cuz their rarely fatal (bridge) Side effects include sneezin', wheezin', laughin', cryin', Glowin’ in the dark spontaneous flyin'! May cause burps, smirks, twerks, or spasm bark on all fours with enthusiasm Do I hear one pill, two pills, three pills, four? Can I get a prescription? What’s it even for?! (chorus) (verse 5) So now I’m a warning, a walking PSA, A cautionary tale believe what I say If you see an ad for Gityerassright, Run far away, don’t give in to the hype. But if you’re curious, well now that’s your call, Just know you might moo in a deep sexy drawl outro
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